I do want to thank Jason, and everyone at the Monastery again for welcoming me with such openness. I’m still amazed that I was granted this opportunity to see shining types of the teachings of a course in miracles acim, and fo initially in a long while, I don’t feel alone.
Part of me wanted to stay longer, but beneath that desire was the idea that I could be doing so for the wrong reason; as a means to prevent my problems. The stronger feeling was, and is, that my travels will continue.
Before I left, Jason asked if I had had any insights. What I’m about to share was not yet clear in those days; only on the drive away achieved it coalesce.
That morning, several lines from a Vance Joy song kept running through my head, “I never must have told you, never must have let you see inside. Don’t want it troubling the mind, won’t you allow it to be?” This confused me as I could not consider something that I had said that I felt regret for.
Eventually, the phrase, “don’t want it troubling your mind” stood out. This reminded me that the absolute most prominent fear I had in coming to the Monastery was that I’d somehow interfere having its residents’satisfaction, by just my presence alone. This belief that I could negatively affect other people’s state of mind has been with me for several years, and has colored a lot of my past experiences and relationships.
This fear left my awareness right after I arrived. On the drive away it rose again, but I remembered David saying in one of is own videos that minds cannot attack. I cried and laughed, and now feel like the belief will be (has been?) released.
There are other items that happened that felt important, but I can’t consider them right now.